baptisis.

thrive with monsters
my god is me
extract the Father
from the dad i had
an upright example
of a disheveled man
bending over
dropping out
letting go
jesus take the wheel that kind of shameful
surrender a man must feel when not nearly
enough and a stiff drink in the baby bottle
he and i 
thirty and nine
dad and daughter
souls saved in the same
chlorinated water
seeking favor
from a fable or

in which dad prescribes
abandon to his child
cause the days are long
and just keep pouring

time a child and then
a child no more cause dad
to stand above me, cause my
idol prototypical serves His
cause

agape love rehearsal proves
a stern source of redemption
dad here an earthly stand-in
for the real thing watching lovingly
from gold-lined chair clouds
we can't yet see His heaven
sows seeds by invitation only
resist salvation and boom!
patriarchal gang wars
religious handmedowns
granting stupidity and privilege
trademark an overripe
eternity

a large strange hand placed
in the small of my back i crossed
my arms over my chest form
a shield leaned my body back
into submission acrid water
up my nose a too big too white robe
over worn pink pajamas and multiple
choice to test  my love for A. my father made
a dare and B. i couldn't come into my own
without collapse C. a man craves dominance
not under but over some sort of forcible hero
hold me close smother well,

when thrust upon
when put upon
when Father is speaking only
to the clean the pure of heart she
hears nothing and says the same,
when a girl keeps her head down
she is only biding time.

16 comments:

  1. Intense, wrenching, the pure product.

    Had not before through all these years realized this so well -- that to be born, may be nothing more than the beginning of a long "holding action".

    (For dear life, or any kind at all.)

    You beauty!

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  2. thanks guys for taking the time to get me. i read this a bunch after i posted and felt sure i understood what i was attempting to put out but felt maybe i hadn't worked it in my own noggin properly.

    snowed here today. unrelated..: )

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  3. so lurvly

    "skierse"

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  4. mistakenly deleted your comment over at my blog... sorry. thanks for dropping by though - i enjoy your post muchly.

    ReplyDelete
  5. no worries, fire in the archive : )

    and

    everyone wants robb todd's book, even if they don't know it yet -
    http://www.tinyhardcorepress.com/books/current-titles/steal-me-for-your-stories/

    !

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  6. just love the way you spin language. there is much of dark deliverance in this &, for me, especially in those last 2 verses.

    one of these days when i'm up in that middle of nowhere part of the world we're gonna catch eachother up, i swear.

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  7. thanks joanna. on my to do list for 2012 is a trip to richmond to overcome my fear of public speaking : ) too i swear!

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  8. the feeling is mutual. as in ditto. and with gratitude. irl & oti.

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  9. Look now listen. You said in that other place that you wanted to do something and I want to do something too.

    sackposset@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Now hear this also. I want to do something too. And that is: go on saying good things about gamefaced and her mad wild truthful art forever.

    ReplyDelete
  11. sack posset, i'm thrilled ! and will be inboxing you soonest.

    tom clark, thank you a billion times. a power punch of thank you. the satisfaction that comes from understanding is priceless, i'm finding. the kindness and time you've shared with me too, priceless. you are a lovely mind : )

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  12. "sometimes writing is the only thing
    that keeps the walls from falling in"
    paraphrasing bukowski or whatever

    ReplyDelete