thrive with monsters
my god is me
extract the Father
from the dad i had
an upright example
of a disheveled man
bending over
dropping out
letting go
jesus take the wheel that kind of shameful
surrender a man must feel when not nearly
enough and a stiff drink in the baby bottle
he and i 
thirty and nine
dad and daughter
souls saved in the same
chlorinated water
seeking favor
from a fable or

in which dad prescribes
abandon to his child
cause the days are long
and just keep pouring

time a child and then
a child no more cause dad
to stand above me, cause my
idol prototypical serves His

agape love rehearsal proves
a stern source of redemption
dad here an earthly stand-in
for the real thing watching lovingly
from gold-lined chair clouds
we can't yet see His heaven
sows seeds by invitation only
resist salvation and boom!
patriarchal gang wars
religious handmedowns
granting stupidity and privilege
trademark an overripe

a large strange hand placed
in the small of my back i crossed
my arms over my chest form
a shield leaned my body back
into submission acrid water
up my nose a too big too white robe
over worn pink pajamas and multiple
choice to test  my love for A. my father made
a dare and B. i couldn't come into my own
without collapse C. a man craves dominance
not under but over some sort of forcible hero
hold me close smother well,

when thrust upon
when put upon
when Father is speaking only
to the clean the pure of heart she
hears nothing and says the same,
when a girl keeps her head down
she is only biding time.